Lovers again
by Shelly Webster
Summary: Ten years ago Blair said no to Chuck and married Nate. Can they find love again?
1. Chapter 1

_''I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you…''_

_''You don't know what you are saying.. You are crazy…''_

_''I am not! I know that what we have is special and that no one will ever love you like I do. I know you, real you, not the mask you like to wear and who you pretend to be.''_

_''Chuck…''_

_He got down to one knee and presented her with the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. It was perfect and she loved it. She also knew her mother would never forgive her if she found out she had anything to do with him. Eleanor was disgusted with the new money Bass family was and she would never forgive her daughter if she had anything to do with Chuck…_

_''I'm sorry… I can't marry you… I love Nate…We are finally in a good place. My mother and Anne are getting our engagement party organized. We will marry at the end of the senior year and go to Yale together.''_

_He closed the ring box and got up. _

_''I'll see you in ten years when you wake up and realize you married an illusion, and not a man. In ten years you will be miserable and lonely because you made a mistake. You deserve each other. You are the same. He is in love with Serena and he will never have guts to fight for her and you love me but you will never be brave enough to be who you really are. You are so afraid of your mother and trying to do all she wants so you would get a bit of her attention. You will marry a man who never knew you and never dared to know you. I hope you'll be happy in charade you are making…I'll be waiting for you to be brave. Because I really love you…''_

_And with that he left her life. He packed his things and continued his schooling in Europe. He promised to never come back and he was very persistent in keeping that promise. Blair and Nate got married in the ceremony UES would talk about for years and all was perfect. They went to Yale and all the students were interested in new school royal couple. Nate continued with his bachelor life and she took her school serious. She graduated with honors and buried herself into work. She worked at an publishing office as an editor and he was working in his grandfather's papers. He was trimming him to be editor and chief. Their mothers waited for the news of the heir but there was none. Little did they know that the young couple barely talked to each other after few months of marriage. No one knew how lonely and empty she felt. She was an ornament. Pride and joy of Vanderbilt-Archibald family. She felt like very expensive dog. Family wanted her not for her qualities, but pedigree she had. She was a nice trophy wife, excellent person to breed with. She would be the mother of Archibald heir and Serena would be love of his life. She knew that most of Nate's business trips were lies. It was just a lie so he could spend few days with Serena. Blair was shocked when she realized she stopped caring. At first she would spend her nights crying herself to sleep and now… she was happier when she woke up alone. She was sick and tired of that, but too afraid to leave it all. Her mother almost slapped her when she told her she wants to leave her husband and she is not happy. Of course, in her mother's eyes she was not woman enough to keep her man and she is not pregnant. After all this time she is not with child. She and Nate went to an benefit and they met with Lilly and husband number…who knows. She mentioned that Chuck is in Brazil and thinks about buying a property there._

_''When will he visit? It has been a long time?''_

_''I have no idea Nate. You know him. He swore he will not step here ever again unless…''_

_Blair felt uneasy…. Why wouldn't he come….?_

_''Unless what Lilly?''_

_''I still have no idea why he left. I know he was very sad, angry and broken the night he left. He just packed his bags and left. He said he will come back when she changes her mind…''_

_''She? Who is she?''_

_Blair felt uneasy… She had no idea how little or how much Lilly knew about them. He lifted her head and looked at Lilly. She gave her a knowing look._

_''I have no idea who that girl was, but Burt and me always had a feeling about one girl.''_

_''I can't believe there was a girl to brake big bad Bass… Oh, my God! Did you hear this Blair? A girl broke Chuck and drove him away from us. I wonder who she is and what she has to make him so drown to her even after all these years. Hm…''_

_''Nate, I'm sure you wouldn't know how to appreciate that girl anyway… You like very…specific… girls. Nice to see you Lilly.''_

_She turned and left the conversation…. Lilly was intrigued even more by this what she witnessed. Now she was sure that Chuck and Blair had something pretty serious going on at that time. She would get to the bottom of this story._

_When they got home, Nate went to his study to talk to Serena and she went to the bedroom. Dorota helped her change and noticed something is wrong. _

_''Miss Blair… You have that __**thinking about Mr. Chuck**__ sad look.''_

_''We met Lilly at the benefit. She mentioned him. She said he will not come back untill I change my mind.''_

_''You should call him and see him… We know you could use some boy time..''_

_''Dorota!''_

_''Miss Blair, I know how lonely and frozen your marriage bed is…If you married Mister Chuck, your bed would be on fire and your stuff would never be able to enter any room without knocking. You would have six children and fight about everything making up wherever you were at that moment… Don't give me that look. I remember the time I couldn't enter my kitchen safely…''_

_''I remember it too….''_

_''You are young and not happy Blair… Just do it… Find him and be happy…. Who cares about people talking if you are in the arms of the man who wants only you….''_

_She would spend sleepless nights thinking about the night Chuck asked her to marry him. Should have she said yes? Would it be different? Should she call? _

And now, there she is… She is twenty eight, married to Nate and lonely as she has never been. She is dressed in her mother's new original dress, putting on new jewelry her mother in law choose for her and Nate gave it to her as his present. She smiled at him and thanked him very politely. She had to. The room was full of people and journalists. She knew he could never pick anything for her without help. She knew how little he knew her. She faked her smiles, talked to people she couldn't stand and the evening went as se expected it to be. After guests left she came up to Nate.

''I have something to ask from you..''

''Yes, I suppose it is our anniversary and you can ask for anything….''

''I wouldn't go that far… I'm asking you to move into the guest room. Dorota will move your things and when you come back from Serena's go there… Good night Nathaniel.''

Nate was looking at her with his mouth wide open. SHE KNEW ABOUT HIM AND SERENA!

She got into her room and Dorota started moving his things to the guest room. She took off the dress and jewelry and went to the bathroom. When she got out, her husband's things were moved to the other room and Dorota was changing the sheets. She got to bed and took her laptop with her. She found HIS e-mail and sent him a simple question….

**''What will it take for you to come back?''**

The reply came in the very instant….

**''Three words…Eight letters… And promise of you forever….''**

She felt something like kick in the gut… Dorota was right… He was right… She still wanted him… And he wanted her. She already made clear to Nate she knows it all. Is it time for Nate to know it all too?

**''You have it…. When will you be here?''**

Reply was quick.

**''In a month… I have things to handle here… But, you can come and visit… Rio is fun this time of year…''**

Oh, she knew how fun it was. She could picture him with all these samba dancers and she was furious and jealous.

**''Oh, I believe it's fun….''**

**''Green is not your color Waldorf…or do you prefer Archibald now?''**

**''Shut it Bass…''**

She looked at the mirror and realized she is smiling. After a decade of frowns she is smiling with her eyes too. They continued writing to each other almost all night. It felt like someone turned back time and she was seventeen again. He even got her to dish pretty juicy gossip to him about Nate and Serena. She was amazed how little it felt wrong to make fun of her husband and his affair with her best friend.

**''Blair, do you want out of that marriage?''**

**''Yes, but our families would never allow that…''**

**''Why?''**

**''Because in the eyes of the world we are perfect and in love…''**

**''If you want out, I'll get you out… I promise…''**

**''I know…''**

**''Just say the words…''**

**''Yes, I want out…''**

**''You'll be out…''**

**It was five in the morning…. The night flew by like an hour….**

**''Chuck…Do you think you could call…? I would love to hear your voice…''**

Her phone rung…

''Hello, Waldorf…''

_Damn you Motherchucker…. _


	2. Chapter 2

Dorota came with breakfast at ten. It was Saturday and on Saturdays she slept longer.

''Miss Blair, wake up! It's ten…''

She woke up with a smile. She hardly had any sleep but she was high on the conversation she had with Chuck and butterflies that got crazy last night.

''You look happy?''

''I am…''

''Miss Blair?''

''I spoke to him last night.''

She was surprised when she saw Dorota jumping from happiness.

''What did he say? Is he coming?''

''Yes, in more than month…. But he invited me to visit him in Rio…''

''Are you going?''

''Maybe…''

''What did he say?''

Blair took a deep breath and started telling Dorota all about last night.

_''Hello, Waldorf…''_

_''Bass…''_

_''It's nice to hear from you again…''_

_''Same to you…''_

_''I'm waiting Waldorf…''_

_''For what?''_

_''What you promised. I want to hear it…''_

_''When you come…''_

_''No, now Waldorf…''_

_''You are stubborn ass…''_

_''That is correct, but not what I wanted to hear.''_

_''Fine… I love you Chuck Bass…Are you happy now?''_

_''No, I will be happy when you are in my arms saying those words over and over again…''_

_She wanted to say them in his arms too. At that moment she believed those arms are her only safe place._

_''How are you…but now for real Blair…''_

_''I don't know. I live my work so I wouldn't have to think about my failed personal life. I got him out of our bedroom tonight…''_

_''Oh, I forgot… Happy anniversary…''_

_''Ha-ha… Funny Bass.''_

_''Sorry, I just had to…''_

_''I know… I'm sorry…''_

_''What for?''_

_''Not saying yes…''_

_''You will…''_

_''I will, but I need to be out of this marriage now…''_

_''You will be… Just give me some time…''_

_''I really miss you…''_

_''Me too… You have no idea…''_

_''I do Blair… Trust me I do…''_

_''I would love to see you.''_

_''Me to..''_

_''We could meet somewhere…''_

_''We could… I bought an island…It's small and pretty hidden…''_

_''There?''_

_''I could send my plane for you…''_

_''I would love it…''_

_''In ten days you will be there… and we will see each other…''_

_''I can't wait….''_

_''Blair, I could help you get divorced pretty soon…''_

_''I leave it up to you… Work your magic Bass…''_

_''You will be free woman pretty soon…''_

_''I can't wait…''_

_''Be patient and I will reword you kitten….''_

_''You are so bad…''_

_''You have no idea what are you in for…''_

_''I can guess…''_

_''I was a bad boy…''_

_''Stop it!''_

_''Get some sleep kitten…. See you soon…''_

_''Bye…''_

''Miss Blair, Mister Chuck was always so bad but that's why you had so much….fun?''

''You can say sex Dorota, we are all of age…''

''O.K. You always had so much sex because you are the same….''

''What? We are not?''

Dorota gave her a look.

''O.K. We are… Happy now?''

''Not yet… I will be happy when you marry mister Chuck…''

''You are worse than him… You know that?''

''I know all Miss Blair…''

''You are lucky I love you…''

''I love you too Miss Blair… What do you want to do today?''

''We are going shoping….''

''Why?''

''For the date with Basstard…''

''Oh, why do we shop? You and me know you will not need anything but some food during first few months…''

Blair got out of bed and pinched Dorota's cheeks.

''Dorota…. You will not spoil my mood! And he does like me dressed in satin, silk and lace!''

''And he loves to rip that all. I remember finding pieces of what used to be your undergarments…''

''It's sexy when he does that…''

''Your brain is not working…or it's working only in one mode…''

''Dorota, get me my red Dior set, black pumps and new bag… Let's have fun.''

She got dressed pretty quickly. Dorota combed her hair and she put on some make up. She was glowing enough to need very little make up that day. She let her hair down first time after a very long time and she took off her wedding ring. She felt liberated after that. Instead of Nate's rings she put on her favorite ruby ring she got from her father before he left. She hasn't worn it for years.

They got down and in the living room they saw her mother, Anne, Captain, Nate, Serena and Lilly.

''Hi honey.''

Nate came and kissed her. She just arched her eyebrow at him and he moved away like kicked puppy.

''What brings you all here?''

''Nate invited us to have lunch with you….''

''Oh, he didn't inform me…''

''I did tell you last night…Before we went to bed….''

''No, you didn't. You must have me confused with someone else…''

And there was an awkward silence. Eleanor looked at her with warning.

''What are you talking about Blair?''

''Oh, mother, Blair was just tired last night so she doesn't remember…''

''Actually I was awake till six this morning… I had so much fun last night… And Nate has no idea about what I did last night or any night for that matter because he and I are not in the same bad at the same time for years now. Now, excuse me, Dorota and I have some things to do.''

''Blair, are you saying my son and you do not share a bed?''

''Oh, Anne… we are not different than any UES couple… We share it but I'm usually out of the bed when he comes back from where ever he was. He has a perfect wife to parade and mistress whose apartment I'm paying too…''

Serena got up to go to the bathroom.

''Excuse me…''

'' Forget about it… I always do… See you all later…''

And with that she left the apartment and people in it to discuss whatever they found suiting at the moment.

''Miss Blair, that was amazing. I got scared…''

''So did I… But ,let's not think about that….''

She and Dorota had fun that day. They bought a lot of things and she charged them from her husband's card. She received message from Chuck to appear at some places. She did what he told her and some paparazzi took pictures of her without her wedding ring. That was the start. These photos appeared on line few minutes after they were taken. Gossip Girl didn't disappoint.

**''Well , well Upper East Side… Is that Queen B without her ring? Was she doing some ''washing and cleaning'' so she didn't want diamond to be ruined or is the marriage in ruins? Our Prince Nathaniel still sports his ring but also rocks lipstick stains different color than his Queen has… What is the Queen's next move? Will we finally hear that ''Off with her head!'' that has been ten years in waiting… You know I love you! **

**xoxo Gossip Girl''**

She went for massage and spa treatment she wanted for a long time. She even got one for Dorota. She was finally getting back on track with her life. She had made planes for next few days and how would she ask for the time off. Her boss owed it to her. Her massage was over and at that moment she checked her phone. She had a lot of missed calls from her mother, Nate, Serena, Anne, William… All of them wanted a word… She even found some messages from tabloids asking for her statement. She sent few ''no comment'' messages and continued to read Serena's and Nate's panicked messages. At that moment her phone rang.

''Right on time Bass..''

''Woldorf… I saw the blast… You must be devastated….''

''Actually, I'm with Dorota at spa…''

''Mmmmm….. Oily, naked and wet… Just as I love you…''

''You know me too well Bass…''

''Kitten, the ball is rolling…''

''Let the games beguine.''


	3. Chapter 3

When they came home, apartment seamed empty. Dorota took her things to bedroom and Blair went to her office to check the mail and see what she had to do for Monday meeting. She had mail from Chuck with some financial reports. He got complete paperwork how Captain used her mother's deals to gain money and pay his dues. Dates matched the time Nate tried so hard for them to get back together and convince her to marry him. She remembered that during the engagement and courting period he was a perfect boyfriend, but as soon as they got married things got to the stage before the brake up. She had him now. Now he would have to give her divorce if he doesn't want his father in prison. When she finished her work and reading all that Chuck sent to her, she left her office and went to kitchen to ask Dorota to serve her diner. She was surprised to see Nate home.

''Blair, how was your day?''

''It was nice. I went shopping, went to spa. I had a great time today…''

''Hm… There was a post on the GG about you not having your wedding ring…''

''Oh, and?''

''Why did you take it off?''

''I felt like not wearing it… We will not be married for a long time now…''

''Why do you say that?''

''Because after decade of pretending to be someone's wife I want to be a wife and a woman at the same time and to the same man…''

''Are you seeing someone?''

''No, I'm not like you… But, I might… I am young and I have so much to give… I don't want to be lonely and not have love in my life. I'm done Nate. I want a divorce.''

''That is not possible. My family will never accept it.''

''You make sure they do… I'm going out. Have a nice evening…''

Blair took her bag and left the apartment. She went for a walk and then she had dinner at a small bistro she and Chuck found one night when she wanted to eat French food. She wrote to him where she was and he teased her that she is getting sentimental and soft.

''I am not…''

''Yes you are and that's perfectly fine… How are things at home?''

''He will not divorce me. William said it is out of the question….''

''Who cares about him? You said you want it, now it's time to get it. ''

''I'm not sure I will manage….''

''I'll take care of it.''

''What do you think reactions would be?''

''What do you want them to be?''

''I'm not sure… I'm just tired of being lonely…''

''Eight more days Blair…''

''I know…''

''Kitten, hell is about to get loose… Take care… I love you…''

''Love you too… More than you know…''

''Take care… Talk to you soon….''

She came home and Nate was waiting for her in the living room.

''Can we talk?''

''What about?''

''Us?''

That made her laugh….

''There was no US in ten years Nate… What is there to talk about...?''

''That is not true… We are good together…''

''When were we together last time? Do you remember?''

''We are good for each other… You are my wife Blair… I love you…''

''No, you do not… Nate, we never loved each other… Never…''

''I did love you… I DO love you…. I will end it with Serena if you want me to…''

''No, I do not want you to end it with her… If you do it, do it because you want it not because you think I will buy that crap…''

''Blair?''

''What?''

''You never speak like that…''

''You never pay attention to me… Why suddenly you want to be the husband of the year? Someone reminded you we do not have a prenup? Oh, you are so full of it.. I'm going to bed…''

She went to her room and Dorota came after her in a few minutes. She took off what she was whearing and stood in her underwear…

''You think he will want me again?''

''Yes, he will Miss Blair… He loves you…''

''He saw me naked last time ten years ago…''

''And you saw him also naked ten years ago… So, you have the same problem…''

''He is man… They don't care about that.''

''I think you are wrong. Vanya is always wondering will I love him after he loses his looks.''

''You are a lucky woman…''

''I am… And you will be soon.''

''I hope so… I'm so tired of this…''

''I know…''

Dorota helped her get to bed and left the room. She fell asleep and was waken up by Nate.

''Blair, can we talk?''

''Now?''

''Yes, please…''

''Fine… But be short…''

''Why don't you love me anymore?''

''because I stopped loving you at the age of sixteen.''

''What?''

''After our brake up I realized I didn't love you at all.''

''Why?''

''Because I found love at that time… I felt what it should really be like…''

''But you slept with me, marred me… Why?''

''Because I was scared of so much love and how strong it felt. Being in his arms was the best. I loved him so much and I was so scared of these feelings. And now, I realized they made me feel alive for the first time in my life. I wanted someone and someone wanted me. We could make love for hours and next day we could have pretty rough sex at any surface we could find. ''

''What? I was not your first?''

''No, you were not…''

''Who was he?''

''It doesn't matter. It has been too long…''

''I want to know… You lied to me…''

''No, I never lied… You ASSUMED you were first… You never asked…''

He left the room angry. She went back to sleep. She woke up early and spent most of the day working for her meeting and some things in advance for when she leaves the town. Monday was the ''D-day''. She woke up early and got ready for work. She and Nate met in the dining room and were forced to eat together because Anne and Captain came. Dorota gave her paper, much to her in laws disapproval. There was big title **Ten years of (in)fidelity of Nathaniel Archibald**. She saw photographs of him and Serena taken for years. Beside each photograph, was one of her own where she is alone, looks sad and lonely. Damn that Chuck. He made her look like saint and perfect wife. She had no idea how much data he had on them. His mother tried to fix things.

''Blair, don't believe all these things…''

''What should I not believe to? That he lied? Cheated? What?''

''They are friends Blair… They always were…''

That was Captain's attempt to save his son's marriage…

''You are silent Nate? You don't agree with your parents?''

''Blair…''

''What?''

''Just… Nothing…''

''I must leave now. I have so much work to do…''

''Blair, are you OK?''

''Yes, Anne I'm fine… Just nervous for the meeting. I'm very tired…''

Before she left GG also gave her vision of things…

**My oh my… That title was just a slap on the wrist… I wouldn't be that gentle to our lovely Nate… We all know he was into it even before he tied the knot with the Queen B. Our Queen kept her head high and pretended she married the prince charming. But it seems that our prince is prince of fools since he let us catch him red-handed. You don't kiss your mistress on the street… I wouldn't want to be in Queen's way when the wrath catches young lovers… I must say Queen has it bottled up for years… xoxo Gossip Girl **

''Now, it's on Gossip Girl too. I will have amazing day… All the city will know about my husband and best friend sleeping together… And look at me. I look so miserable and bad…broken… Who would want to work with a woman like that? Oh, life is so perfect at this moment… I must go now…''

She left the building and got into the waiting car. She was going through her papers when she felt familiar touch on her knees. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes…

'' Bass…''

''Hello Waldorf…''


	4. Chapter 4

''Hello, Waldorf..''

She kept her eyes closed and just got concentrated to the feeling of his fingers on her bare knees lifting her skirt up…

''Bass, you are in a dangerous territory… Few more seconds and we are at the point of no return…''

''I don't mind that… You know I always had a thing for danger….And so did you my love….''

''I hate how well you still know me Bass…''

He took papers out of her hands and threw them somewhere. She opened her eyes and just looked at him. He was still what she remembered him to be, but more mature… He had a black suit, pink shirt and the bright pink bowtie. He still wore her favorite Dior and his hands were so soft on her face…

''I'm happy to see you Kitten…''

''Me too..''

She moved closer to him and kissed him. He kissed back and there were fireworks again. She felt like she was melting in his arms.

''Stop! Not like this…. I want us to take our time and do it right…''

''After I'm divorced?''

He smiled at her…

''I was thinking when we get to the house I'm renting…''

''Oh, thank God… I would explode if I had to wait more than few minutes….''

''I know Kitten… I feel the same…''

She cuddled up next to him… He held her close breathing in the smell of her hair and her entire existence. Suddunly she jumped.

''Oh, my God… My work…. I have to go…''

''No, you don't . Dorota took care of that and told them that after all the things in the media you can't be at the meeting. They offered to do it again when you want to see them.''

''You are devious.''

''I know…''

Few minutes later they stopped. Arthur opened the door and they were in the underground garage.

''Miss Waldorf…''

''Arthur, nice to see you again…''

''You too. You were missed…''

''Thank you.''

''Arthur, take the afternoon off. I'll call later…''

''Yes, sir…''

Arthur left and they entered his house. Blair was looking around and realised that he bought a beautiful town house.

''Have I ever been here?''

''Yes, you were seventeen, and this was pretty different house… But, I shall let you remember by yourself…''

He took her hand and led her to the big door.

''Open up Kitten…''

As soon as the door opened, she realized where she was. In front of her was enormous library. He bought the house where they made love for the first time. Yes, their first time was in the limo, but the first time they made love was in this very house.

_Previous owners made big party for their twentieth anniversary and UES power people were there. They sneaked in the library and stood by the window. It had perfect view to the city. _

_''It feels like caste at the top of the world… I would love to live here one day…''_

_''Maybe you will… Just be patient…''_

_''This looks beautiful, but who would buy this house… It's falling apart if you pay close attention to it…''_

_''A dreamer like you Blair would love to live here and raise the family…''_

_''Charles Bass talking about family? Who knew?''_

_''Now, you do…''_

_They kissed and he took her hand and led her to the window sat. He took off her thong and brought her to his lap. She could see the world and no one could see them…_

_''This is insane… Someone could come inside…''_

_''That would be me…''_

_''I was talking about the room…''_

_''Oh, never mind…. I locked the door.''_

_''Why?''_

_''Because I would never want to put you in a bad position with your mother and all these people whose opinions matter to you. I don't understand it, but I respect it. It matters to you and because of that it matters to me…''_

_That was the first time she saw in his eyes the love he has for her. She never saw that in Nate or anyone else. This was the first time that someone put her first. It made her cry and hold him closer to her. She needed that love he was offering. In any other situation she would run, but at that moment she needed love more than anything. She needed him. She pushed him back on the seat and kissed him with all she had. He was very gentle and she felt so strong and fragile in his arms that day. She felt he was hers and he loved feeling of belonging with her. In no one else's arms they felt that good. He whispered to her that he loved her, but she was so lost in her orgasm that she was not sure what he said. _

Blair stood in front of the window and smiled. She felt loved again and that was just the start. She threw her bag on the floor and started taking off her dress…

''You don't have to lock the door anymore. I don't care…''

He came closer to her and hugged her from behind. He kissed her neck and helped her out of the remaining clouding items. They were naked and all tangled up in a minute. In his arms she became seventeen again and she loved the feeling. She was falling for the same bad boy he always was and she was light like feather in his arms. By the end of the night they did it in every room in the house and they were so tired. He was laying on the living room floor and she was on his chest.

''I'm so out of shape… Every muscle in my body hurts…''

''I second that…''

''This is what I've been missing all these years…? ''

''By now we would be in shape to go for days Kitten…''

''Dorota was right… We would have had more than six kids…''

That sounded funny to him.

''She knows us well.''

''Feed me Bass…''

They got dressed and he took her to diner. In the car he gave her divorce papers. His lawyer had them ready. He told her that he has more dirt ready if Nate doesn't sign the papers…They ate at small restaurant near his house and after that Arthur took her home. When she got there, she was greeted by the full house. Nate got up from the chair and came to greet her.

''You're here…''

She was surprised by his concern…

''Yes, I am…''

Then her mother addressed her.

''Where were you? I know you were not at work.''

''Mother, I took a personal day and spent it thinking about myself.''

''Where…?''

''Somewhere…''

''You are hiding something…''

''I'm not…''

She was on the way to her room when she remembered something.

''Oh, Nate… I forgot… Our divorce papers… Sign them…''

''What? Already? That was fast…''

''I had them ready before the anniversary. I wanted to give it to you as a gift. A back stab you deserve for being such a lovely and devoted husband. But, I changed my mind… I'm above you and your cheep ways. I'm doing this now… Just friends and family.''

''Why? Why are you doing this? Is there someone else?''

''Yes, there is…''

''Who?''

''Me! After decade of agony and lying to myself I choose me…I want to be happy and you only bring misery and pain to my life. I don't want to wake up one morning and see my mother in the mirror. That is why I'm leaving. ''

''But…''

''Sign, or you will regret it…''

''What?''

''If some journalist managed to find out that much about your affair, imagine how much your wife could tell. My phone has been ringing whole day… Talk show after talk show….''

''You wouldn't do it…''

''Are you sure?''

By the look on her face no one was sure about anything Blair could or could not do. He took the pen and signed it. She did it too and put it back in the envelop.

''One of them is yours.. Now, pack your bags and leave with your mother… ''

She went to the stairs and in the middle of climbing she remembered something….

''Oh, and tell your bimbo to look for another apartment… You just signed all you have to me…''

Their mothers were stunned by Blair's rather bold move. They all stood with their mouth hanging open.


	5. Chapter 5

She spent entire day in bed thinking about Chuck and the time they spent together. She picked up her phone and saw a lot of messages and two GG blasts. Messages were from Nate, Serena, her mother, William and she didn't bother reading them. She went straight to Chucks message. **Out of hiding Kitten ;) Had an amazing time… I've got scars on my back to prove it. Love you :*** She smiled. She didn't have scratches, but she had pain in every muscle she had to prove that night did happen and it was good. She moved to blasts. First one was about Nate moving out and the second was about Chuck coming to town. Now it's official… Chuck is back on the UES.

''Dorota! Dorota!''

''Coming Miss Blair…. Mister William just came to see you…''

''Help me get dressed.''

''Yes, Miss Blair.''

She got out of bed and put on nice and elegant Armani suit and a white shirt with a bow. Dorota gave her black Louboutin shoes and she let her hair stay down. Now she loved her curls again and she loved the feeling of his hands in her hair. She decided to let it stay down just in case….She got her things for work and came downstairs. William was in the living room waiting.

''Good morning William.''

''Blair…''

''What brings you here?''

''Nate showed me his divorce papers…'

''Oh, and?''

''How could you? After all that this family did for you?''

''Oh, you mean illegal doings with my mother's money, Nate's affair for over then years, your dealings with my money….''

William changed his attitude very fast…

''Blair, it's not what you think…''

''Of course it's not… I'm sure I will never understand it… I'm a woman and I do not het buisseness. I remember these words, don't worry. Now, I must go to work… I'm single now and I must earn my living… See you around…''

She picked up her things and left the apartmant. She was at work in a short time and she noticed that her staff was looking at her in a weird way. Her secretary gave her mail and told her there is someone in her office.

''Your husband is here…And your friend is with him.''

''Serena?''

''Yes, Mr. Archibald and her are waiting…''

''Thank you…''

''Hello, Nate, Serena. What can I do for you?''

''We came to talk to you….''

''I'm listening…''

''We came to say we are sorry. You made us see how bad we treated you. Our fling was…''

''Fling? He was in love with you and you played with him. He was good when you are alone or things in Brooklyn were to complicated. You don't treat people like that. I had to watch him for years pine after you and cry beside me calling your name drunk. And few times we had sex, he never could say my name… So, don't tell me about how I suffered or how your fling was nothing special. This idiot was and still is in love with you. But, now…it's not my problem. ''

Their conversation was interupted by Chuck.

''Well, Well… NJBC is having a gathering without me? ''

''Men! You're back…''

''Yes, I am…''

''Chuck….''

''Sis…''

''Bass…''

''Waldorf…''

''What are you doing here Bass?''

''I came to ask you for lunch at one… You know… Now, since you're single….men will be paling at your feet. I just want to catch you in-between the husbands.''

''Fine… Pick me up at one… And make sure not to crump my style… I need a new husband…''

''Never in my dreams… You know I love to read about your love life…''

''These two really spice up the reading…. Nice pictures by the way…''

''Bass, leave! Now!''

''Always so bossy…. Nathaniel, if she is like that in the bedroom I would never let her go…''

''Bass!''

''I'm leaving… See you…''

''See you Bass..''

''Why was he here?''

''He wanted gossip…''

''I never realized you were so close…''

''I know. In order to know that you would have to pay attention to me…''

''Blair…''

''You can leave… You need to find new place to live…''

Nate left the office and Serena stayed behind…

''What happened to us?''

''You did Serena… You slept with my boyfriend and kept doing it for twelve more years… When he was cause of my pain, bulimia, bad times…. You were supposed to be my best friend… You were supposed to take care of me… ''

''B, I'm so sorry…''

''I am not… You helped me see who I really can count on…''

''Chuck?''

''Yes, him..''

''How? He is the worst person in the world… He treated you bad…He can't talk to a girl without trying to take her to bed. Trust me, I lived with him. I know him…''

''He kept me going….''

Blair started walking very nervously.

''At the Sheppard wedding… I saw you with him. I knew from the very minute you slept with my boyfriend. I went to the bathroom and spent hours in there throwing up and crying. He found me there. He didn't say a word he just took me in his arms and carried me to his room. He gave me something to change into, sent my dress to the dry cleaning and held me. The big bad Chuck Bass held me and kept telling me I will be O.K. And he never mentioned it. He never teased about it. He was just always near checking up on me so I don't relapse. He ate lunches with me and kept an eye on me at school. He even had Dorota babysit me at home just that I don't relapse. ''

''I never knew about that. And he never told?''

''Never mentioned it. I ended up in his room so many times broken and he fixed me without words. I would appear in the middle of the night and if he was not alone, he would send the girl home and call for housekeeping to change the sheets for me. After few times I even found in his bathroom silk pajamas and toiletries ready for me. After my patent's divorce, I spent two weeks at his place. My mother never noticed I was gone. He talked to me and held me and told me it had nothing to do with me. He said that marriages and relationships fail, but it has nothing to do with us, the children. He was my friend and rock when all of you were too busy to see me. That is Chuck Bass. ''

Nate came back to the office.

''You were bulimic and you never told me?''

''I was bulimic and you never noticed?!''

''It's not easy to notice…''

''Chuck did, right away…''

''He dated models. He knew how it looks like…''

''Or he just noticed I was not well…''

''Blair…''

''I loved you so much, but you never loved me back… Hell, you didn't even care about me. I was so lonely and empty during our time together. I wished I was dead so many times since we started dating. You made me suffer so much, but now I'm done. I have reason to live and to love again.''

''Are you having an affair?''

''That is rich coming from you….''

''Why is our divorce so sudden? I have reason to doubt….''

''I just woke up and realized I'm dead as a woman… You haven't touched me in seven years…. I'm not going to burry myself alive in a marriage this young. I want a real husband, something you never were. I want to love Nate. I remembered how good it felt to be woken up by kisses and someone wanting you madely. I remembered how it felt to be someone's lover and everything. I remembered the feeleng of making love for hours on every surface in the house…''

''We neved did that Blair…''

''I know, and that is why I want out…. I had that with someone who I hurt very much in the past. But I might have my second chance…''

''I never knew that side of you… Is it true what you just told Nate? You had a lover like that? When?''

''Ten years ago… Before we made up and got engaged. I made mistake and lost him.''

''I'm sorry…I never knew about this.''

''Me too. I never knew about this side of you…''

''Now you know. I'm not frigid, you were just lousy lover. Now I have work to do. Leave ! Just leave me alone….''

They left and she stayed in her office thinking about what just happened. She heard the door close behind her and someone pulling the shades. She knew who it was.

''You are early….''

He put his hands around her waste and kissed her temples. He just held her close and tight…

''I love you… I just want you to know I love you to death Waldorf…''

''I love you too.''

He kissed her hair and they stood like that for a few moments.

''I never thanked you for all the times you were thre for me.''

''I loved you so much that it was never problem to me. I would stand with you through it all.''

''Me too…''

He turned her to face him.

''I'm out of grand gestures and I will not get down on my knee to be rejected again.''

He got the ring out of his pocket. The same ring he offered to her ten years ago.

''I'm all in… Now it's your turn to be all in…''

She gave him her hand and he put the ring on her finger…

''I will marry you on any conditions you want Bass.''

''I can't wait…''

They kissed and she felt like her life was finally beguiling. She was free and with someone who loved her. Now she felt what being happy meant.


	6. Chapter 6

Blair spent the night in Chuck's new home. They were cuddled up in bed and she couldn't stop looking at her ring.

''What are you thinking about?''

''How happy you made me…''

''I'm going back to Rio tomorrow. I have still some work there. You can come and join me as soon as you want.''

''I'll be there in a few days, like we already made planes.''

''And you will marry me in twelve days…''

She jumped.

''That is too little time… We have everything to arrange…''

''No, we don't. We'll marry at the beach. Bring Dorota, Vanya and the kids…''

''Just us? No guests?''

''No one… Just us. Our little secret wedding…''

''I…''

''You promised you'll marry me the way I want it.''

''I did…''

''I want this. I want just us somewhere far from here. I'm marrying you because I love you not to put on the show for the rest of the world. I could care less about all of them. I want you to be my wife and that is all I care about…''

''Me too. I'm sorry. I just… I'm just… I'm used to big lavish weddings. I had a wedding like that and somehow I wanted to outdo that wedding, so we could have it better. ''

''For me better is already happening. We love each other Kitten and that is something all the decorations, five hundred people and expensive dress can't outshine…''

''Please, tell me I can have a nice dress.''

''Fine, get the dress…''

She was kissing him very happy.

''Now, keep the promise you made.…''

''Fine, I'll marry you in the way you suggested. Nothing matters more than us.''

''I love you soon to be Mrs. Bass.''

''So cocky…. Who told you I'm taking your name? I have no time to waste changing it to Waldorf again.''

''Because I'm sure you are going to be Bass forever…''

''How do you know? What makes you so sure I would stay married to you forever?''

He smirked at her….

''I'm Chuck Bass….''

She smacked him on the arm….

''…and I love you…''

''Then I will be Blair Bass so you could love me even more….''

''I would love you always…''

''Thank you for that….''

''And I promise , we will never be boring…''

''Oh, so we don't get to hold hands and go to the movies?''

''I don't mind the handholding and we can always make our own movies…''

She smacked his arm.

''You have pretty one sided mind…''

''So do you…''

''That is your fault.''

He held her and played with her hair…

''Love, what do you think about taking a year off. We could travel and make up for the lost time…''

''I love the idea…''

''We can work from everywhere and maybe you can find some new interest during that time off..''

''What does that mean?''

''Design… Maybe you could try to be more brave about it and not be afraid of your mother's wrath… I would love to see your things out in the open…''

''Really?''

''Yes. I know you always had it in you, you are stylish…''

''Who would I design for?''

''Teens. We never got to dress like ones, so we can do it now… in your designs…''

''I love the idea Bass…''

''Imagine your mother seeing you in ripped jeans biker boots and leather jacket.. Oh, my good. She would die…''

''Wanna go shopping Bass?''

''You mean…? Oh…. Sure…. I would love to do it…''

They were up and on their way to the shops in a few seconds. They shopped at different places and got plenty of jeans and things her mother despised… It was not time to make new image public, but it was ready…

''Bass, I want a tattoo..''

''Of what?''

''Butterflies…''

''Oh, why is that?''

''Just a reminder that they never die…''

''Maybe I could do one to…''

''What?''

'' 3 8 4, or a butterfly too?''

''Butterfly…''

''In Brazil I have a friend. He can get us the best artist…''

''Just few more days…''

He left her at her house and continued to the airport. She missed him already and felt silly for it. Dorota was already there and making her breakfast.

''Good morning Miss Blair.''

''It is Dortota!''

''You in a very good mood…''

''I am… I'll take a shower and then I'll eat.''

She went to her room, took off the ring and went to take a shower. She decided to where something nice and cheerful this morning. She picked yellow dress and yellow shoes. She felt so bright and vivid. Chuck has written to her before his plane took off and she was waiting for the message that he arrived. She got to the dining room and took her phone. She had some missed calls from Chuck's friend who was her lawyer and two from Nate. When she was getting ready to call him, she saw a GG blast.

**Good morning UES, it seems that our Queen already found someone to keep her warm at night. We saw her leaving the bad boy Bass house early this morning sporting a pretty noticeable bling…. Are we in for a new wedding? We were expecting S to sport a bling soon after the signing of the UES royal divorce… This was a surprise… Are there some chapters missing from this fairytale? Is Queen finally giving her mind, body and scheme to our Dark Knight? Let's wait for the next chapter…**

**You know you love me xoxo Gossip Girl**

She looked at her hand and realized she had that ring leaving Chuck's house and car. What was the right thing to do? Should she tell or keep it to herself…. She had all the rights to be happy and loved. Nate abused her trust and love too many times in the past… Her phone rang again and she was invited to the talk show to talk about the marriage, divorce and allegations about her and Chuck… She decided to do it and let them all know that she is happy and leave her alone. She told Chuck about the show and he supported her decision to do it.

''Kitten, I have nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to come clean and tell all, I'm fine with it. I love you and I have nothing to hide.''

''Thank you…''

''Kick their butt.''

''I promise I will..''

She went to work and had very unpleasant encounter with her mother and Nate. They were in her office when she got to work.

''To what I owe this unpleasant surprise?''

''Good God Blair, what were you thinking about?''

''Hello to you to mother… What did I do wrong now?''

''You and Charles…. What was that? Lunch and you leaving his house in the morning?''

''You are having an affair with him?''

''Mother, we were friends.. We had lunch and got to talking. It was late, I spent the night… And, it's not the first time I sleep at his house… I spent two weeks in his place when you were to busy trashing my father and working…. He was my friend when I needed shelter and help… I am in a woundable state again and I'm safe with him.''

''Who in the right mind feels safe with him?''

''I do mother. He is a good friend and someone who kept me going when I hit the bottom.''

''What bottom Blair?''

''Bulimia mother.''

''You never had it Blair.''

''I did mother… For months I was doing that to my body and it stopped when Chuck took care of me…''

''You are making up things. If that was true, Nate would notice.''

''He would have to notice me first..''

There was awkward silence.

''What are you all doing here?''

''I came to ask you about that talk show. I heard you are going…''

''And?''

''What will you say?''

''I don't know.''

''Blair…''

''You can go now… Watch the show tonight…''

She got home and spent some time thinking about what would she wear. She made a choice Chuck would love and would drive her mother crazy. Her new look was about to be presented. She got tight leather pants sexy black top and transparent black shirt. Her hair was down, curls everywhere and make up was a bit stronger. Dorota liked Blair's new look.

''You look sexy Miss. Blair….''

''Thank you. Shall we?''

''Where?''

''You are coming with me… ''

''Oh…. I didn't know…''

''Go and get ready.''

During the time Dorota spent getting ready, she called Chuck.

''Hi love…''

''Hey Kitten… What's up?''

''It's about to happen…. What should I do? My mom and Nate came to my work to question me about the lunch and night with you…''

''I told you. You can tell and talk about as much as it makes you comfortable.''

''That is our intimacy….''

''Babe, this is UES… There is no such a thing as intimacy….''

''You are right….''

''Don't worry. Your divorce is about to be done… It's almost over.''

''I can't wait.''

''I love you Waldorf..''

''Back at you Bass..''

She got to the studio and was greeted by the staff. She was briefed how the show functions and put into the waiting room. The host told his jokes, made fun of some people and it was her turn to get out.

''May I introduce to you one of the ladies whose life is a hot topic at this point. She is prim and proper princess of the UES , some call her a Queen B. She is daughter of famous designer Eleanor Waldorf and Harold Waldorf. She grew up here , hung out with the hot crowd, she is still married to Nate Archibald, her best friend is Serena Van der Woodsen and she is….Ms. Blair Waldorf….''

She got out and the host was surprised by the new look.

''Wow, I was not expecting this…''

''I know…''

''Wow! So, how are you?''

''I'm amazing, thank you… How are you?''

''In love…''

The audience laughed and clapped.

''We will be talking about all these things that are happening in your life and how you feel about it… Are you ready?''

''As I'll ever be…''

''So, you and your husband go way back… What caused you to divorce him after so much time?''

''I woke up and realized that's not the life I wanted…''

''Why?''

''As a young girl, I despised all these couples living the double life. We all knew who slept with who and who was not really talking to their spouses and we made promise to each other that we will not live like that. And ten years later, I was one of these wives lying through her teeth about how happy we were.''

''And the stories about the affair?''

''He did have it and I must admit it is my fault…''

''Why?''

''I shouldn't have married someone who NEVER loved or wanted me. I always had knowledge about where my husband's affections were and that person knew it too. It's so complicated….''

''And your affections?''

''They are safe now… The next person could never be a mistake….''

Behind them was a picture of her and Chuck from twenty years ago. He was in a small suite and she was in a white dress with pear headband. They looked like tiny grownups. She was standing and he was holding her hand and a flower. In front of them were Serena and Nate holding hands. No one noticed them in the back.

''Oh, my God! This is priceless.''

''Is it a real life situation for you even twenty years later….''

''I am grateful to have Chuck Bass holding my hand when it's hard and when I feel lost. He is the best friend I ever had…''

''Just a friend?''

''No, not just a friend…''

There were some would whistles in the audience.

''He is my rock.''

''Was there anything more beside that strong friendship?''

_Now or never…_

''Yes, there was… I can say that he is the first person to make me love myself and love for real…''

''When was that?''

''When I was sixteen - seventeen…''

''Just before you got married?''

''Yes… Then…''

''Why did you need anyone else? You dated your husband back then..''

''Who made me invisible and worthless. Chuck made me feel like I'm the best dam thing on this world. He made me feel free and happy. He made me feel special. He knew how to spoil me.''

''Chuck Bass spoiling someone? Wow! Never could imagine things like that…''

''I will not go into details, not to cramp his style….But he is the best man I ever met and I'm honored to be that loved….''

''You said ''I AM''….''

She realized she slipped, but she didn't care now…

''I am happy to be that loved and to have someone who motivates me to go forward and have fun in life…''

''Is that and engagement ring?''

''Since I'm officially married, this is the promise ring, until I'm free to marry him.''

''And you will…?''

''Yes… I will…''

''You are not afraid it would fail?''

''No, this time I will stay married until the day I die…''

''What about your friends and family? How do they feel about your divorce and relationship that came out of it?''

''No one knew about me and Chuck and I believe divorce didn't surprise anyone. I believe they placed bets on our marriage at the very wedding…''

''Who won?''

''That Motherchucker…''

''Bass?''

''Yes, he told me I would not last more than ten years married…''

''He really knows you..''

''He does…''

''Do you know when would you marry Mr. Bass?''

''As soon as I'm divorced. I can assure you that he has it all planed and ready…''

''Good luck and I must say Mr. Bass keeps you looking happy….''

There was big applause.

''Thank you all…''

The cat was out of the bag… Now they were in the open… Time came for the questions from the audience..

''How long have you known who is your husband cheating with?''

''Since before we got married…I knew I was marrying a man who was in love with someone else.''

''Did you also marry your husband in love with someone else, who turned out to be his best friend?'

''Yes, I did. I believe I will love him till the day I die…''

''What was the hardest thing in your marriage?''

''Loneliness. I felt so lonely and empty. We had no children, so I had no distraction…He was a good man, but never mine. We were scared what our parents would think if we break up, divorce, so we kept going until I realized I'm dead inside.''

''What will you do after your divorce?''

''Marry Chuck and have a baby..''

''That would be all. Thank you Blair for this evening..''


	7. Chapter 7

After the show she felt different, but good. She believed she was honest, but not evil. She told the truth and she did it in a gracious way. There were not mudslinging and bad blood in her words. She said what were facts. Nate is a good man, but not for her. They married one another being in love with other people and she loves Chuck and will marry him after the divorce is over. She didn't talk bad about anyone. It was nice and OK. She went to bed and in the morning she got a phone call for another interview. It was Camilla Jones, a woman who interviewed presidents, actors and a lot of people and she wanted to come and do one with her. She said yes, without really thinking how different it would be. Camilla's people were at her house two days later and she was ready to talk. She had idea it would be like the last time, but she was really wrong. She was very pleasant. She wanted to look casual, so she was in jeans and a shirt and flat shoes. Her hair was in messy bun and she had very little make up. She had her ring on and she was not sure should she have it on at all. When all was set, Camilla took her papers and started the interview.

''So, Blair, tell us something about yourself….''

''Hm… I was born here, in New York. My parents got married a year before I was born and it was huge wedding and event at the UES. My father's parents insisted on their marriage, so after eight months of dating, my parents were married. They had an interesting life. My father was a lawyer and my mother is a designer. They were too busy with their work , so few weeks after I was born, they hired a young Polish girl to take care of me. She was fourteen and she took care of me. At first, she would go with my mother to her work and bring me to her when I needed to be fad, and later, she stayed with me at home. Dorota was my mother in every way she could. She is the mother to me. I love her so much and she is the most precious thing in my life. She is married and has her own children, but she is also always there for me. She knows almost all of my secrets and she is the best friend I could ever have…''

''Tell me about how your parents' divorce influenced you?''

''It broke me… Even before they split, I had so little time with them. My mom was always in a plane going here and there for her new collection and my dad was working, or I believed he was working. He started having an affair with a young male model and it took its toll on their marriage and on our life. She kicked him out, whole world found out and my family was hot topic gossip for months… Of course… My mother worked more than ever, my father packed his things and left the states and here I was… Alone again….''

''How did you get over it?''

Blair was on the verge of tears.

''It was my personal hell. I was so lost and lonely and it felt like I had no one to turn to. At that time I was already dating Nate and I believed he would be there for me, but I was wrong. He had no idea how lonely or hurt I was. At that time, also Serena left so I was really alone and had no one. My mother would leave for weeks, and wouldn't call or be available if anyone tries to call her. My dad fell off the face of the Earth and I was on my own with Dorota. I started eating a lot and then in the middle of eating, I would remember my mother calling me fat, not pretty enough and I would throw up and do that several times in the row….''

''How long were you doing it and who noticed it first?''

''I did it for about four months. And who noticed, that was a shock to me. Chuck Bass, notorious playboy of the UES noticed that something was wrong with me. His father hosted a party and I ate like crazy. Nate and I had a fall out, so I ate more because of that. He left the party following Serena, like puppy dog, and I went to the lady's room and made myself throw up. Chuck found me and I lied to him that the sea food was making me sick. He bought it at first. Since that party he was watching me like a hawk. He was always there when I felt weak or bad. I once fainted how weak I was. He carried me out of the bathroom and sneaked me in to his place. He took care of me without a word. And it was our ''thing''. He would find me, get me to his house, take care of me and I would leave after I felt better. In public we kept our appearances. He was Nate's friend who teased me and who I snapped back at and in private he was my rock. After some time I had my own tooth brush and things hidden in his bathroom. It happened a lot of times that he had to wash my hair or entire body after my relapse. He made me promise him I would ask for help.''

''And did you?''

''No, I never did it. I was ashamed…''

''What happened next?''

''Nate started hooking up with other girls behind my back and I had a very bad episode… Chuck found me in a bathroom in a bar and got me to his place. You know you hit the rock bottom when Chuck Bass is naked in the tub with you and not trying to cope a feel but just cleaning you up and holds you after that.''

''Wow! That seams impossible…''

''He held me and kept me safe….''

She was about to cry.

''One night, I felt so bad, lonely , empty…. I took my mother's pills and bottle of vodka and you may take a very wild guess how that went. Chuck came to see me and found me on the floor. He called paramedics and they took me to the hospital and got my stomach pumped. He managed to keep it quiet and no one knew why was I at the hospital. After that day, he took me to his place and I spent there over two weeks. He took care of me and really gave his best to make me get better. He was cutting my food into small bights , packing it into containers and feeding me at the hour my doctor said. And we were just sixteen or seventeen. He was responsible and good friend. I really feel like he helped a lot. He saved me and never asked anything in return. In those two weeks, he was always with me. He held me, he held my hand and never made any inappropriate comment. He was a real gentleman and I will never forget that.''

''How did the romance happen?''

''I believe it came out of this. He was the person I felt closest to. Nate and I were really near the end. I stopped caring he was screwing around. I was so tired and empty that I had no strength to care. His family got into some trouble, so we broke up for two months…. The same night I broke up with Nate, I started seeing Bass. I got to his hotel. I told him about the brake up and we went out. I had so much fun that night. Chuck helped me feel better and good about myself. We went back to his place and ordered food and opened bottle of my favorite champagne to celebrate my new freedom and will to live. One too many glasses of liquid courage led to me kissing him. It was something I never felt before. His kisses were different than Nate's . Even his light kisses had more passion than Nate's deep ones.. He kept asking if I was sure and I kept kissing him. I lost my virginity to him the night before my seventeenth birthday. ''

''That was fast… You always seemed so pure and…''

''I know, but I was far from that…. I can tell you that it took us four days to leave the room after that night. I forgot about the time and just had so much fun. I never felt so free and wanted. I learned from him to see myself in different light. I was hot, I was wanted and I was so relaxed…. He helped me find the way to let myself be free of my fears and what is appropriate in the bedroom. I learned that everything you want and agree on is appropriate and that people have different wants and needs. ''

''What did you learn about yourself?''

There was an evil smile…

''I learned that I'm a bad girl with a very dirty mind…''

''Wow! I never believed that I would hear that from you… How did that happen?''

''Chuck was there to help me connect with myself.''

''And how did that manifest?''

''Oh, we had sex anytime and anyplace we could… His limo, his car, his house, everyone else's houses….''

''Where was the riskiest place you had sex?''

''Hm…. Nate's house… On our pre- engagement party…''

''I could never imagine something like that…. And if it was so good, why did you end it?''

''I was scared. Chuck had me the way no one else had. He was my friend, lover, he knew my deepest secrets and he could hurt me. Two days before I officially accepted Nate's proposal, Chuck came with this ring that is now on my finger and asked me to marry him. It took me all I had not to scream ''yes''. I loved him so much at that moment that I would have married him then and there…''

''But, you didn't…''

''No, I was scared. I feared he would hurt me and I would die after he did that… Nate was safe. He could never hurt me that much… I never loved him as much as I love Chuck… After I heard he left, I went numb. It was a blure… I didn't care much about things. I didn't relapse, because I made him a promise I would take care of myself. After I got married, it took us very short time to became strangers shearing the same space. I had no news on Chuck, and had no idea how to ask. Nate went back to his old ways and I did too. I pretended we were happy and spent my time with a book in my arms. My education came first… I made myself forget Chuck and stopped myself from questioning my choice…. ''

''If you could turn back time, what would you have done?''

''Ran away to Vegas on the same night and marry him…''

''You would gave up the big wedding?''

''In a second… I would have married him in my PJ's…''

''I would love to see that…''

''Don't give him ideas…''

''I will not…''

There was short silence….

''Let's go back to you marriage with Nate… What was the thing you couldn't take…''

''We stopped being friends and talking. We would brief each other about our lives before we would go somewhere with our parents or friends. We had to seam good and happy. But our marriage was a lie form the second we married.''

''What would you expect from your second marriage?''

''To be fun, to be happy and to be whatever WE want it to bee. Not parents, UES, friends… I want to be part of the union where me and the other person make decisions about our lives… I want a baby and big family with him. I want someone to look at me with love and pride. I believe Chuck is the one…And I will give my best to be the best possible wife to him and to be the best partner he could have and ask for.''

''That is a nice wish… I hope you find all you want in this relationship… One last question… What reactions do you expect when people learn about you and Chuck?''

''I don't expect anything. I don't care. He is my chose and the rest doesn't matter. I sleep and live with that person. That makes it my choice. I have my career, I have my income so, I don't care about opinion of the others. I only care about our life… and what is ahead of us…''

Two days later, interview was on TV. Her phone was on fire. Her parents called, but she didn't answer. Chuck sent her messages where he told her how proud he is and Serena and Nate called her also. She didn't want to talk. The topic of her past and how unhappy she was still sore… She saw it with a bottle of wine and her favorite sweets. When she was about to go to bed, Nate was at her door.

''Can we talk Blair?''


	8. Chapter 8

She was surprised to see Nate standing there….

''Sure, we can talk… Take a seat…''

''I came to ask a favor from you…''

''Yes?''

''Serena kicked me out… Can I stay with you for a few days?''

''You are joking?''

''No… I know that I ask to much, but please…''

''Fine, you can stay…. But don't get to comfortable…''

''Blair…Can we be friends… Start over that part of our relationship?''

''Nate…''

''I am sorry…''

''What for?''

''All of it… I was a bad husband, boyfriend and a friend…''

''It's in the past… Forget about it…I did… I had to move on and I put our failure behind me.''

''You impress me…''

''Why?''

''Always head high…''

''Not always, but you never got to see me insecure and weak.''

''I know… That was him…''

Nate got up to get them a drink. He came back with two glasses and a lot of questions he didn't know how to ask. He sat in the chair, across from her and stared at the picture on the fireplace. It was a picture he never saw before. It was a black and white picture of much younger Blair dressed only in a bed sheet . She was standing in the window and entire New York could be seen in a background.

''I like the picture…''

She smiled at him…

''It was the morning of my seventeenth birthday. I believed he was asleep. We had an amazing night and I was so tired and so full of energy and excited. I lost my virginity to someone I never even thought about in that way. I was happy, scared, my emotions were all over the place… I got out of the bed and just enjoyed the sunrise… I didn't hear him at first. I was too lost in my mind to hear him. I was a mess.''

''You are beautiful on that picture… I never saw you that relaxed…''

''I know. I never was that relaxed with anyone else.''

''Why him? How did that happen?''

''I honestly have no idea. I just realized one morning that he is so under my skin… He was so needed so I would feel like nothing is wrong. He is the best person I ever met. He kept me together and I fell in love with him without realizing it. I was not just one more girl. I was IT for him and he was for me. From the first kiss to the moment we made love for the first time it was just building up….''

''Why did we make such a mistake and got married?''

''Out of fear… I was scared of love I felt for him. It was something that consumed me… It had me so tied to him. Like I was part of him and he was part of me. We were one…When he went, part of me went numb…I hardly remember few days after he left. It was all foggy…''

''You don't remember us getting engaged and having sex for the first time?''

She shook her head…

''I remember parts of it…But what I remember the most was wanting the person next to me to be him. After we got married and I realized he is not coming back, I wanted us to be ok…. I really tired to be a good wife and partner…''

''You were… I was the problem. I never honored the commitment we made….''

''It doesn't matter now. We have to go on….''

Her phone biped and it was Chuck. He wished sweet dreams and told her he loved her. She responded that she loves him too and that Nate is at her place apologizing and staying with her. He offered to put him in Palace, but Blair said he needs privacy. Chuck never questioned her. Her phone rang and she answered.

''Hey…''

''Hey…. Listen, I know this would be weird, but I had an idea… Bring him with you when you come for our wedding.''

''That is insane, but I think I might…''

''I love you Blair….''

''Love you too…. How is everything going?''

''It's fine… I work a lot, but… I want to have some spare time to spend with you when you come and especially if we decide to travel for a year….''

''I can't wait to see you…''

''I'll be there tomorrow. I have two meetings in the hotel… lunch love?''

''That is nice idea… Come to my place and we'll find something to eat…''

''That is perfect plan…''

''I know… Love you… Now, I must go to bed…''

''It would be good for you if you are going to bed alone….''

''I never do that…. I have amazing cat that keeps me company…''

''A cat?''

''Yes, a Russian blue cat called Ami… She is a beauty…''

''If you try to make a joke about Eastern European pussy loving you I'll kill you next time…''

''You know me well… ''

''Too well Bass…''

''See you tomorrow…''

''I can't wait…''

She noticed Nate standing behind her and looking at her…

''Nate?''

''You look happy… I've never seen you glow that much….Except….Oh…. It makes sense now…''

''I do not glow… That is so teenage….What makes sense?''

''The glow… It goes back to your secret dating…''

''I DO NOT GLOW….''

''Yes you do… And it's sickening… You are so in love with him…''

She started laughing and he looked at her like she was crazy….

''This is so sick and so us in a weird way…''

''What?''

''We are still married, talking about our past with other people, our feelings for other people. I have someone else's engagement ring and you still have our wedding ring on your finger and are telling me I'm in love and glowing. And the object of my affection is ex UES playboy who happened to be your best friend at the time…. Oh… This should be in a movie…''

Nate found that funny too.

''I can't take it off for some reason..''

''Why?''

''I feel like it belonged there. I felt so naked when I tried to be without it…''

''Nate… It's just a ring… A reminder of our bad past and failures… I took mine off and it felt so liberating. With that move I said good bye to our past and bad things related to it. I moved on and I'm happy with Bass. There will be another ring on my hand in a few days. I'm happy to marry him because he really wants me…Not Serena or some other girl, but me…''

''I'm sorry for that.''

''So am I. It took me a long time to get better.''

''And you are ok now….?''

''I am. I have Chuck… You'll find someone to love you that much… Trust me… Serena was never the one. She only knew to love herself. She would never be good wife or a partner in life. She loves to change and try new things. She is not someone who is looking for something long term. You were good because you had me. You were married and would never dare to divorce me. She knew that. And she believed I would never dare to ask for divorce. You can do better…. ''

''Thank you…''

''You're welcome… I'm going to bed now… See you in the morning…''

''Good night Blair…''

Nate stayed in the living room and looked around. In a few days they didn't live together, she made him disappear from this home. All of their pictures were gone, all of his things were gone and there was not a trace of him in this house anymore. A place that they sheared for six years was now hers and he was a visitor, guest and just a face in a crowd. And now, when she was someone else's , he started to realize how special she is and how happy she could have made him only if he tried a little. Maybe he could have made her forget about Chuck and love him even more… They could have had children, good life and all they wanted…but now… it was too late…


End file.
